“We Should Cut the Nude Sex Scene”

It begins… again… As is the custom, the cast of another Late, Late Breakfast Show informally met to gather all of our new material, pitch new ideas, and mercilessly winnow over 60 sketches/ideas down to an 18-22 sketch set-list for our FEBRUARY 13-15 show, SENSUAL PISTOLAS! Yes, we slashed more than 40 scenes -some very good scenes, too- at a pace of more than a scene-per-minute… Some of these rejected scenes will appear in later shows, some will be revised and re-pitched, and some shall never be heard or seen again… So, sadly, SENSUAL PISTOLAS! will not include the explicit nude sex scene titled TOTALLY NAKED SEX FOR 2-5 MINUTES or the song titled MY BASEMENT or the ridiculous conceptual dance piece THE THREE-HEADED MAN WITH ONLY ONE HEAD… Speaking of songs and dances, did I mention that SENSUAL PISTOLAS! is a musical? Well, not a full-on “for real” musical, but very musical indeed. So many songs and dances! But I’ve said too much… more about all that later. Until then, everyone!

HUGS!

The Dan Perry

Whilst you wait patiently for our Feb. show, SENSUAL PISTOLAS! (soooo close to being Spanish for Love Gun), we at the Late Late Breakfast Show decided to bestow a gift upon you to satisfy your bloodlust for comedy, and interview LLBS veteran and ‘star’ of SENSUAL PISTOLAS!, Dan ‘Sancho’ Perry. Dan is a showman, a scoundrel, a scallywag, and a recent graduate from the MFA program at the University of Calgary. He likes Superman and dislikes playing pirates.  An inventor of the colour blorange (a mixture of blue and brown), Dan occasionally plays guitar. He has also been to China. This interview took place in a bathroom stall in New York City’s Barrymore Theatre, where Dan was seeing Harold Pinter’s Betrayal. SENSUAL PISTOLAS! FEB 13-15. Birds and Stone Theatre. Calgary, AB.

Dan… You are aware of the cultural phenomenon known as “The Dan Perry”-

I was told we weren’t to talk of that!

Please, Dan, put away the switchblade.

… Okay. But don’t mention this “The Dan Perry” business again*. Or my new nickname-

Dan Pan the Muffin Man?

Yes! Actually I don’t mind that.

Okay… Dan Pan, what’s something you consider underrated.

The Bible. No one’s really talked about it before. Or I would say home dentistry. Those two things.

Gross. Moving on. What would you say are your best qualities?

Sarcasm. Capacity for suffering. Like, I can endure. Like I burned my arm just like Gary Busey in Lethal Weapon. Like, with a lighter. And then I said, “Do you smell that?”… that’s endurance. Like in the Bible.

And your worst qualities?

Neat freak, bordering on obsessive? Kleptomania. Is this a job interview?

You’re the one who wanted to be my butler.

Yes, my life goal is to one day butle.

Moving on… Will you say hi to your girlfriend for me?

I guess… Amos says hi.

She’s there with you?

Yup!

Fantastic… And how did you get involved with the LLBS?

I recall a gent named “Mack” had to take leave from a show, and y’all needed a guitar player, so Amos knew me from university and said “wanna come play guitar” and since I saw you guys at Loose Moose and thought you were funny, I said sure. And even though you have consistently asked me to leave I have always refused… And I’m still here. And the funniest part from that first show is I didn’t realize you wanted me to play washtub bass, which I didn’t know how to play, even though I LOVE Zydeco music. And anything by Ke$ha. Ke$ha has a dollar sign where the S is… You probably didn’t know that. But she doesn’t have a lot of washtub bass in her music.

What made you want to pursue the arts?

High school drama class. I wanted to get out of my shell. I was a wee bit shy, you see. Then, when I was 15 I did a summer arts program called Artstrek at Red Deer College and I just thought it was the tits. And then the murder started. And by murder I mean laughter. And by laughter I mean killing.

I’m writing this down.

I know.

Sure. Is there a specific performance that made you want to be an actor?

No. I enjoy writing and directing. Acting? It’s okay. But, to answer the question: Whoopi Goldberg in The Color Purple. Maybe you shouldn’t put that.

Why?

It sounds like I’m making fun of Whoop. But it’s a good movie. So I stand by it.

And what or whom made you think, “I would like to pursue writing”?

Amos Altman. He is the greatest writer of the last 50 years. Sadly, he will not be appreciated until he dies. So, probably next year. Oh, and also, writing is something that I always did, from when I was however old I was when I learned, I was just writing stories. I think I just kept going when other people might have gotten other priorities or stopped being creative for whatever reason, which is why i took up drinking… cause it’s something to do when you’re not writing.

Who are/were your comedy influences?

I think Monty Python; the absurdist approach they had is something I appreciate. And Harold Pinter. Amos Altman, of course. The greats. Mostly the Brits, though. Ricky Gervais. Stephen Fry. And I didn’t appreciate Kids in the Hall when they were first out-

Well… you were 6-

Right. But I look back now and it’s fantastic. Patton Oswalt is fantastic too. But I don’t do stand-up.

Ever want to try stand up?

I’d like to. But I like to have someone to rely on. And working with each other, there’s a trust you bring with your fellow performer, so that you can know it works even though it might not get laughs. But with stand-up there’s not that safety-in-numbers. Plus, I like having the time to incubate the comedy within a group, in the best way we see fit. Like by committee: the funniest line, the most provocative choice. And in stand up you only get that debate internally, really.

What would be your dream role?

Teaching. I like hangin’ with kids.

So I shouldn’t add “in my van”?

Nope.

How about a dream role, Dan Pan?

King Lear. Won’t be able to do it til I’m wicked old, but that would be challenging.

For you, maybe. So… if you were to play the casting game, which actor would you want to play you in Thundercock: The Dan Perry Story. Or would it be titled Dan Pan the Muffin Man? Time will tell.

Benedict Cumberbatch. Or… what’s the other guy there that’s the… What’s his name… he was in X-Men-

Hugh Jackman?

No. He was young Magneto.

Michael Fassbender.

Yes. I’ve been told we are exactly alike. (Dan’s ladyfriend Kristine is heard in the background: No one has ever said that.)

What real life or fictional person would you say fits your personality best in the history of all media? Like, “that is SO me”?

Kristine just said Moose from Archie comics. Now she says don’t quote me. Have me say something like “D’uh. I like Riverdale.”

What does the future hold, creatively speaking, for The Dan Perry?

Writing plays. Next Late Late Breakfast Show in Feb. Does drinking count as creating? I’d like to invent green tea, but that’s been done. Play-doh and add poison? So many things…

Two-part question: what’s the funniest moment you’ve seen at the LLBS…

The time that Pat said that thing and everyone laughed and made a face. I don’t know. When I see a show, I mean, I’m not onstage, so I don’t pay attention. I’m just there for the free food. In fact I don’t know that many people in the LLBS’ first names.

And what’s the funniest and/or most memorable thing you’ve been a part of with the LLBS?

I remember doing the sketch Tyler’s house and Meg came out with the pen in her leg and no one could keep it together…

Dan Pan, who or what is your great love?

You mean my peni… No that’s silly. Don’t put that. I’ll say Kristine… Right Kristine? Now you should write “Kristine glares at Dan”.

Fine. Fine. Whatever.  Okay, Dan Pan, we come to the portion of the interview that is ripped from Inside the Actor’s Studio, which was, in turn, ripped from Bouillon de Culture, which was ripped from Proust. Dan Pan, what’s your favourite word?

Haaaaaaaaaaah… My favourite word is crinkly. Or moist. Or soup. Fun word to say. Especially as Christopher Walken.

Yes. What’s your least favourite word?

Anything with more than 3 syllables. Or druid.

What’s your favourite sound?

Do you want me to make it? … Bddwwdwwwdwwdwdwshsshskkkkkk. Or cha-ching. Member that guy in Police Academy who did all the sound effects?

He was also in Spaceballs.

What happened to that guy?

I don’t know. What’s your least favourite sound?

Slavery? Or a high pitched squeal. EEeeeeeEeeeeeeeee. Or train brakes.

What turns you off?

Negativity. No. I love negativity. I’m just lying to sound deep… Ignorance. You can be negative, but you have to be intelligent about it. Yeah.

What turns you on?

Jugs. (dan begins to laugh)

Like for juice?

(Dan laughs for 20 more seconds) I think that was funnier in my head, then when I said it i regretted it instantly.

What’s your favourite curse word?

Fuck. I say fuck a lot.

What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?

Chef.

What profession would you absolutely not like to attempt.

Anything where I have to shovel feces. Walking behind the elephants in the parade.

Who is your hero/heroine from fiction or history?

Amos Alt- You know what? No. Someone I admire… What’s the name of the kid in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island? So many… Do I have to pick one? Like I appreciate Superman as a symbol, but he’s not my hero. Or is he? Just put Robert Louis Stevenson, because when he was writing Treasure Island he got sick and then he got super-sick, and considered not finishing, but I admire the fact that he kept going and kept with it. Jim Hawkins! That’s the kid’s name. So him, Robert Louis Stevenson, and maybe Superman. Maybe. Because he’s inherently good even though he doesn’t have to be.

And, finally, what would you like to hear “god” say to you when you arrive at “the pearly gates”?

Haha. You were wrong Dan! I’m real!

Interview over. After the interview Dan Pan ate some sea salt caramel corn. He will eat it ’til he pukes. He shall soon be seen in the LLBS’ production of SENSUAL PISTOLAS!

*The Dan Perry= when you are making love to a lady’s butt, you then pee in her butt

2014: The Year We Take Over the World, Probably

end-of-the-worldend-of-the-worldHello to our several fans! So… Our incredibly successful* fall season has been completed and work on our end-of-the-worldWinter/Spring shows for 2014 is commencing… We hope to have some shows travel betwixt our TWO currently scheduled shows in Calgary… And speaking of our Calgary performances… WE HAVE TITLES TO REVEAL! … Tomorrow. They will be revealed tomorrow… We don’t have posters or additional artwork yet, but the titles are ready for human consumption (tomorrow). But here’s what you need to know about the shows, OTHER than their titles:

- they will be performed at the birds and stone (204 16th Ave NW) in Calgary, Alberta!

- they will be performed Feb 13-15 and May 1-3 @ 8pm!

- the casts of both shows will be amazing! They shall be finalized (and revealed!) in early January!

- our February show shall be very musical. The May show’s antics shall remain a secret (for now)

And that is all… For now.

 

* successful= we did shows and dozens of people from around the world/mostly Calgary saw them

Website O’erhaul!

Hey gang… This here website shall look a l’il different soon, courtesy of our own Ayla Stephen (pictured!)… We’ll let you know when it’s done. How? Through the power of the internet. That is all.

Super Secret Password

Okay gang. Wednesday’s show is over. So there are no more 2/1 tickets… but there is a secret password… That gets you 33% off on all of the tickets you purchase for you and your friends (sooooo many friends)… So on Thurs/Fri/Sat, just whisper the secret password to our box office staff (or online) and all of your dreams (of 33% off tickets) will come true! The super-secret password is… brains. You’re welcome.

Cast of the Living Dead

We kept the secret as long as we could, but the Calgary Herald was threatening to publish our cast list, so here is the cast of BRUNCH OF THE LIVING DEAD:

Amos Altman

Justin Michael Carriere*

Kristin Eveleigh

Pat Quinn

and recent MFA graduate (congratulations!) Daniel Neil Perry.

*appearing courtesy of Canadian Actors Equity Association

2/1 Wednesday… Yeah, that’s a thing.

Wednesday, Nov 13. Birds and Stone theatre (204 16th Ave NW). 8pm. 2 tickets for $15 dollars. Yeah, that’s right… we live dangerously… As for a single ticket? $8, ’cause we don’t have quarters. Soooo… bring a 2nd person and you both save 50 cents each! That is all.

Why Brunch of the Living Dead is Better than All is Lost

okay. this one isn’t so easy, because both are visually stunning pieces of art that have their merits… buuuut…The top 7 reasons BoLD is better than All is Lost are:

- the existence of dialogue.

- All is Lost doesn’t feature some of the scariest creatures of horror (unless you include Robert Redford on that list) doing hilarious things… or any things. All is Lost features none of the scariest creatures of horror.

- rudimentary sailing < ridiculous choreography

- an hour of sketch comedy is waaaay more fun than being stranded at sea

- Brunch of the Living Dead is literally in THREE DIMENSIONS (as are all Late, Late Breakfast Show performances)

- both are stories of struggles for survival, but BoLD has (SPOILER ALERT) straight-up resurrection

- Pat Quinn is funnier than Robert Redford (and basically as handsome…)

Pat Quinn or Robert Redford?

 

Title Talk… Why “Brunch of the Living Dead”?

I don’t understand the question… Why not BRUNCH OF THE LIVING DEAD? It’s on the heels of Hallowe’en and, moreover, a sketch comedy* show with such a hilarious title shouldn’t need to justify the “why”… The title is cheeky and intriguing, which our extensive research tells us is an advantageous in marketing to everyone on Earth. But so many fans (zero, in fact) have asked, “Hey, is this show about zombies?”… No. It is not. It’s just another clever title in a long line of clever titles… However, the show dates are close to Hallowe’en, so the title may hint at an overall atmosphere or theme… I can’t really give straight answers when I’m mobbed on the streets by our relentless fans… “Will zombies appear?” … Perhaps. “Do they eat brains?” … Could be. “What about a werewolf; will there be a werewolf?” … Kind of. But I have already said too much. Unfortunately, I can’t show you what BRUNCH OF THE LIVING DEAD will look like… You have to see it for yourself. NOV 13-16. birds and stone theatre (204 16th Ave NW, Calgary). 8pm. Be there. Bring friends. Tell other friends, if they can’t make it that night. That be all… for now.

*sketch comedy= a performance of short, original comedic scenes or ‘sketches’… think of the LLBS’s brand of sketch comedy as kind of like Saturday Night Live without censorship or awkward Miley Cyrus appearances.