Cutting the Mustard.

This cast is so epic. Like if the cast of Rocky III and the cast of Glee got in a fight, that is how epic the Sketch Up & Mustard cast is. They’re so boss, I won’t even bore you with their resumes. So… Here is the cast -REVEALED EXCLUSIVELY to this website!- of Sketch Up & Mustard:

Amos Altman  Justin Michael Carriere (appearing courtesy of Canadian Actors’ Equity Association)  Meg Farhall  Ayla J. Stephen  Patrick Quinn  Mat Glessing  …and introducing Alice Nelson as Alice.

https://assignmentdone4you.com

Justin (left) and Pat (right) disagree about characterization.

Justin (left) and Pat (right) disagree about characterization.

 

 

The Dan Perry

Whilst you wait patiently for our Feb. show, SENSUAL PISTOLAS! (soooo close to being Spanish for Love Gun), we at the Late Late Breakfast Show decided to bestow a gift upon you to satisfy your bloodlust for comedy, and interview LLBS veteran and ‘star’ of SENSUAL PISTOLAS!, Dan ‘Sancho’ Perry. Dan is a showman, a scoundrel, a scallywag, and a recent graduate from the MFA program at the University of Calgary. He likes Superman and dislikes playing pirates.  An inventor of the colour blorange (a mixture of blue and brown), Dan occasionally plays guitar. He has also been to China. This interview took place in a bathroom stall in New York City’s Barrymore Theatre, where Dan was seeing Harold Pinter’s Betrayal. SENSUAL PISTOLAS! FEB 13-15. Birds and Stone Theatre. Calgary, AB.

Dan… You are aware of the cultural phenomenon known as “The Dan Perry”-

I was told we weren’t to talk of that!

Please, Dan, put away the switchblade.

… Okay. But don’t mention this “The Dan Perry” business again*. Or my new nickname-

Dan Pan the Muffin Man?

Yes! Actually I don’t mind that.

Okay… Dan Pan, what’s something you consider underrated.

The Bible. No one’s really talked about it before. Or I would say home dentistry. Those two things.

Gross. Moving on. What would you say are your best qualities?

Sarcasm. Capacity for suffering. Like, I can endure. Like I burned my arm just like Gary Busey in Lethal Weapon. Like, with a lighter. And then I said, “Do you smell that?”… that’s endurance. Like in the Bible.

And your worst qualities?

Neat freak, bordering on obsessive? Kleptomania. Is this a job interview?

You’re the one who wanted to be my butler.

Yes, my life goal is to one day butle.

Moving on… Will you say hi to your girlfriend for me?

I guess… Amos says hi.

She’s there with you?

Yup!

Fantastic… And how did you get involved with the LLBS?

I recall a gent named “Mack” had to take leave from a show, and y’all needed a guitar player, so Amos knew me from university and said “wanna come play guitar” and since I saw you guys at Loose Moose and thought you were funny, I said sure. And even though you have consistently asked me to leave I have always refused… And I’m still here. And the funniest part from that first show is I didn’t realize you wanted me to play washtub bass, which I didn’t know how to play, even though I LOVE Zydeco music. And anything by Ke$ha. Ke$ha has a dollar sign where the S is… You probably didn’t know that. But she doesn’t have a lot of washtub bass in her music.

What made you want to pursue the arts?

High school drama class. I wanted to get out of my shell. I was a wee bit shy, you see. Then, when I was 15 I did a summer arts program called Artstrek at Red Deer College and I just thought it was the tits. And then the murder started. And by murder I mean laughter. And by laughter I mean killing.

I’m writing this down.

I know.

Sure. Is there a specific performance that made you want to be an actor?

No. I enjoy writing and directing. Acting? It’s okay. But, to answer the question: Whoopi Goldberg in The Color Purple. Maybe you shouldn’t put that.

Why?

It sounds like I’m making fun of Whoop. But it’s a good movie. So I stand by it.

And what or whom made you think, “I would like to pursue writing”?

Amos Altman. He is the greatest writer of the last 50 years. Sadly, he will not be appreciated until he dies. So, probably next year. Oh, and also, writing is something that I always did, from when I was however old I was when I learned, I was just writing stories. I think I just kept going when other people might have gotten other priorities or stopped being creative for whatever reason, which is why i took up drinking… cause it’s something to do when you’re not writing.

Who are/were your comedy influences?

I think Monty Python; the absurdist approach they had is something I appreciate. And Harold Pinter. Amos Altman, of course. The greats. Mostly the Brits, though. Ricky Gervais. Stephen Fry. And I didn’t appreciate Kids in the Hall when they were first out-

Well… you were 6-

Right. But I look back now and it’s fantastic. Patton Oswalt is fantastic too. But I don’t do stand-up.

Ever want to try stand up?

I’d like to. But I like to have someone to rely on. And working with each other, there’s a trust you bring with your fellow performer, so that you can know it works even though it might not get laughs. But with stand-up there’s not that safety-in-numbers. Plus, I like having the time to incubate the comedy within a group, in the best way we see fit. Like by committee: the funniest line, the most provocative choice. And in stand up you only get that debate internally, really.

What would be your dream role?

Teaching. I like hangin’ with kids.

So I shouldn’t add “in my van”?

Nope.

How about a dream role, Dan Pan?

King Lear. Won’t be able to do it til I’m wicked old, but that would be challenging.

For you, maybe. So… if you were to play the casting game, which actor would you want to play you in Thundercock: The Dan Perry Story. Or would it be titled Dan Pan the Muffin Man? Time will tell.

Benedict Cumberbatch. Or… what’s the other guy there that’s the… What’s his name… he was in X-Men-

Hugh Jackman?

No. He was young Magneto.

Michael Fassbender.

Yes. I’ve been told we are exactly alike. (Dan’s ladyfriend Kristine is heard in the background: No one has ever said that.)

What real life or fictional person would you say fits your personality best in the history of all media? Like, “that is SO me”?

Kristine just said Moose from Archie comics. Now she says don’t quote me. Have me say something like “D’uh. I like Riverdale.”

What does the future hold, creatively speaking, for The Dan Perry?

Writing plays. Next Late Late Breakfast Show in Feb. Does drinking count as creating? I’d like to invent green tea, but that’s been done. Play-doh and add poison? So many things…

Two-part question: what’s the funniest moment you’ve seen at the LLBS…

The time that Pat said that thing and everyone laughed and made a face. I don’t know. When I see a show, I mean, I’m not onstage, so I don’t pay attention. I’m just there for the free food. In fact I don’t know that many people in the LLBS’ first names.

And what’s the funniest and/or most memorable thing you’ve been a part of with the LLBS?

I remember doing the sketch Tyler’s house and Meg came out with the pen in her leg and no one could keep it together…

Dan Pan, who or what is your great love?

You mean my peni… No that’s silly. Don’t put that. I’ll say Kristine… Right Kristine? Now you should write “Kristine glares at Dan”.

Fine. Fine. Whatever.  Okay, Dan Pan, we come to the portion of the interview that is ripped from Inside the Actor’s Studio, which was, in turn, ripped from Bouillon de Culture, which was ripped from Proust. Dan Pan, what’s your favourite word?

Haaaaaaaaaaah… My favourite word is crinkly. Or moist. Or soup. Fun word to say. Especially as Christopher Walken.

Yes. What’s your least favourite word?

Anything with more than 3 syllables. Or druid.

What’s your favourite sound?

Do you want me to make it? … Bddwwdwwwdwwdwdwshsshskkkkkk. Or cha-ching. Member that guy in Police Academy who did all the sound effects?

He was also in Spaceballs.

What happened to that guy?

I don’t know. What’s your least favourite sound?

Slavery? Or a high pitched squeal. EEeeeeeEeeeeeeeee. Or train brakes.

What turns you off?

Negativity. No. I love negativity. I’m just lying to sound deep… Ignorance. You can be negative, but you have to be intelligent about it. Yeah.

What turns you on?

Jugs. (dan begins to laugh)

Like for juice?

(Dan laughs for 20 more seconds) I think that was funnier in my head, then when I said it i regretted it instantly.

What’s your favourite curse word?

Fuck. I say fuck a lot.

What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?

Chef.

What profession would you absolutely not like to attempt.

Anything where I have to shovel feces. Walking behind the elephants in the parade.

Who is your hero/heroine from fiction or history?

Amos Alt- You know what? No. Someone I admire… What’s the name of the kid in Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island? So many… Do I have to pick one? Like I appreciate Superman as a symbol, but he’s not my hero. Or is he? Just put Robert Louis Stevenson, because when he was writing Treasure Island he got sick and then he got super-sick, and considered not finishing, but I admire the fact that he kept going and kept with it. Jim Hawkins! That’s the kid’s name. So him, Robert Louis Stevenson, and maybe Superman. Maybe. Because he’s inherently good even though he doesn’t have to be.

And, finally, what would you like to hear “god” say to you when you arrive at “the pearly gates”?

Haha. You were wrong Dan! I’m real!

Interview over. After the interview Dan Pan ate some sea salt caramel corn. He will eat it ’til he pukes. He shall soon be seen in the LLBS’ production of SENSUAL PISTOLAS!

*The Dan Perry= when you are making love to a lady’s butt, you then pee in her butt

The Secret Word!

Alright gang! A Late, Late Breakfast Power Ballad is only 2 weeks away… And for the 4 people who check out our website, we shall  offer up a  POWER BALLAD password for 5 dollar tickets. It’s also for our 242 fans on https://time4papers.com facebook, our dozens of secret fans not on facebook, newbies, people who dislike our show but can’t resist a deal, all Calgarians over the age of 17, and Matt Damon (not you, Clooney! …okay, you can come too!)… It is available to use for our online tickets (available here) or at our cash-only box office, which is open 30 minutes before all showtimes… And so, finally, the password is: SPEEDWAGON

2014: The Year We Take Over the World, Probably

end-of-the-worldend-of-the-worldHello to our several https://buy-assignment.com fans! So… Our incredibly successful* fall season has been completed and work on our end-of-the-worldWinter/Spring shows for 2014 is commencing… We hope to have some shows travel betwixt our TWO currently scheduled shows in Calgary… And speaking of our Calgary performances… WE HAVE TITLES TO REVEAL! … Tomorrow. They will be revealed tomorrow… We don’t have posters or additional artwork yet, but the titles are ready for human consumption (tomorrow). But here’s what you need to know about the shows, OTHER than their titles:

- they will be performed at the birds and stone (204 16th Ave NW) in Calgary, Alberta!

- they will be performed Feb 13-15 and May 1-3 @ 8pm!

- the casts of both shows will be amazing! They shall be finalized (and revealed!) in early January!

- our February show shall be very musical. The May show’s antics shall remain a secret (for now)

And that is all… For now.

 

* successful= we did shows and dozens of people from around the world/mostly Calgary saw them

Next up: RED DEER!

April 6th! Almost a year after our one-night sketch comedy event blew minds and melted brains in Red Deer for the first time, we return to Red Deer to bring the guffaws and set hearts aflame… FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY! AGAIN! It’s going to have everything… Comedy… Sketches… Sketch comedy… Maybe some songs, some dancin’, some romancin’… Online tickets already available, so if you want to get your tickets early go to the trusty ol’ PURCHASE TICKETS HERE link and get ‘em while you can. https://termpaper4me.net Otherwise our box office opens @ 730pm on April 6th at the Scott Block Theatre! So if you’re 1.88 hours driving distance (or less) from Red Deer, you should see this show… And if you can’t see this show, tell your friends all about it… Deal? Great! See you (and/or your friends) there! HUGS!

Talkin’ Shop with Amos, Cliff and The Mongoose!

OSCARS 2013 EDITION!

So.. Cliff didn’t see any movies in 2013… And the Mongoose only saw The Dark Knight Rises (“Sucked!”), Resident Evil: Retribution (“Ruled!”) and Step Up 4: Revolution (“The most emotionally resonant film I’ve ever seen”)… So that leaves me. Hi, I am Amos… And when I am not preparing our next show (Tragically Delicious, https://essayservise.net March 13-16, Calgary AB, 8pm, 204 16th Ave NW) with our wonderful cast, I cry in the tub, eat tacos, and sometimes watch movies… So here’s my list of the best movie-films and, in addition, performances of 2012. You’re welcome!

Best Supporting Actress

Ann Dowd- Compliance

Allison Pill- Goon

Gloria Reuben- Lincoln

Sarah Silverman- Take This Waltz*

Naomi Watts- The Impossible

 

Best Supporting Actor

Javier Bardem- Skyfall

Philip Seymour Hoffman- The Master

Samuel L. Jackson- Django Unchained

Tommy Lee Jones- Lincoln*

Ewan McGregor- The Impossible

 

 

Best Actress

Emily Blunt- Your Sister’s Sister

Rashida Jones- Jesse And Celeste Forever

Jennifer Lawrence- Silver Linings Playbook*

Melanie Lynskey- Hello, I Must Be Going

Michelle Williams- Take This Waltz

 

Best Actor

Bradley Cooper- Silver Linings Playbook

Daniel Day Lewis- Lincoln

Richard Gere- Arbitrage

Joaquin Phoenix- The Master*

John Hawkes- The Sessions

 

The Top 10

10. Looper

9. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

8. Cloud Atlas

7. 21 Jump Street

6. Seven Psychopaths

5. Argo

4. Moonrise Kingdom

3. End of Watch

2. Silver Linings Playbook

1. The Cabin in the Woods

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vacation Over!

Ah. Three solid months of serenity for us (and three sad months without joy for you) are over. We will again drive ourselves to insanity in creating our tasty brand of sketch comedy, so you can smile again, laugh again, feel again. Because we return in September, sketch comedy-ing it up for you with DEGRASSI KNOLL. Sept 11-14. birds and stone theatre. 204 16th Ave NW. Calgary. Alberta. Canada. BE THERE! Online tickets through the very handy link on this website will be available next week and https://get-dissertation.net SUPER-SECRET CASTING NEWS is coming soon! That is all. Oh, except for this: